Dear 2022 ME...

If it were possible for the me writing this right now to go back in time and talk to the me about to go into 2022... these 6 points would be what I would make sure to tell her. 

1. Your dad is going to cheat on your mom and leave your family for another woman.
Well we're off to a real rocky start. I put this first because obviously this was the most pivotal part of the year and arguably of my life. If you don't know me or my family let me give you a glimpse. I live in a perfectly sized house that has always felt like home. A mom and dad, a sister who is my best friend, and a golden retriever. I always have been spoiled growing up and I have never had to worry about anything. Until this April... things kind of changed. The point of this post isn't to get into my family drama so I'll spare the details. No one teaches you how to act when something like this happens. I don't think there is an expected way to act in this situation. There will be people who take this moment to try and tie it back to God. There will be people who have pitchforks and are ready to stand up for you and lash out. There will be people who comfort you and try to make the pain go away. There will be people who sit beside you, meet you where you are... and just reaffirm that your life sucks and thats okay. None of these people are wrong and every person who knew about my situation helped me and showed me a kind of love that I did not even know existed. I would be lying if I told you I never acted in a way that was un-Christian like... I did. Many, many times and I probably still will. Even though I do believe I've come a far way in handling my emotions since May. One of the hardest parts of it all has been being away at college. While some may think it has been easy and served as a distraction, I can't help but feel guilty that I am somewhere where I have the luxury to just "forget" even though its always in the back of my mind. I don't know if it is the oldest daughter in me that feels as if I have to carry it all on my back but I have struggled so much with feeling like it isn't fair to my mom and sister that I'm away and they're still at home dealing with it. I have constantly had to remind myself that I have done nothing wrong. There is nothing I did to deserve this and it is not my responsibility to hold things together. It was my dads responsibility to stay and he couldn't do that. Everything past that falls on him. Not me, a 19 year old college student. If you have ever felt like this, no matter what your situation may look like. I want to tell you right now you have nothing to be guilty of. You cannot help that at this point in your life you aren't somewhere where you can try and hold things together. That is not your job. I also want to tell you that there is no step by step guide that tells you how to handle these kinds of situations. Just promise me you'll keep showing up everyday.
I don't speak to my dad right now because it's too hard. I'm still hurt. The wounds have not even begun to heal. One of the last things I told him is that I will not be the girl people feel sorry for because her dad left. My life is so much more than the things that happen to me. Ever since that conversation I have made sure I get up and find the things I want people to remember me as and know me for.

2. You will make some of the most amazing friendships and wonder how you ever lived without them.
After the very long, emotional first point I made I wanted to take the time to brag on the best thing that has ever happened to me, my friends. To the me in January of 2022 who still needed one more nudge to know she was right where she was supposed to be. You'll get that nudge in July after a really long day of rush workshop. You'll be sitting around girls and you'll catch yourself picturing them in bridesmaids dresses. You'll talk about the future like set-in-stone plans and not just what-ifs. These kind of friends aren't the ones who are always going out with you. They're the friends who hold you accountable and aren't afraid to tell you when they're disappointed. These are the friends that you can knock on their door at 8 in the morning, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and one will curl your hair while the other wipes your tears. These are the friends who are not afraid to stand up for you in rooms you may not be in. These are the friends who push you to grow your relationship with God. These are the friends who will buy tickets to a Pitbull concert with you the day before and have the most memorable night ever. These are the friends who spend way too much money and go through lots of stress to get Taylor Swift tickets with you. These are the friends who make sure your work is done and you've studied for your tests. I could go on... but you get the point. To the person out there who still does not feel like they have found their place or their people. It takes time. It took me a whole year to be able to confidently say there is nothing about my life I would change. Use this season of loneliness as a growth point and not a point to stay stagnant. I promise you, one day it will all just fall into place.

3. Going to Church will make you upset, a lot.
I'm sure this title puzzled you a bit. Growing up going to the same Church every Sunday. Being the first baby Baptized in your Church... I was distraught after my first Sunday in a new church. I was away from home, walking in alone, not knowing a single face, there was not an unspoken claimed spot for me to sit. I remember crying during every song, wondering how a place that used to feel so comfortable for me can now make me squirm with unfamiliarity. I hated that I had to ask for directions to find the Sunday school room or that I didn't know the usher who greeted me at the door. Growing in your faith in college is hard. Not because of the reasons people think... getting there is not even half as hard as sitting in a pew realizing that your faith is not your moms or your sisters or a place you sat in the sanctuary. Your faith is yours. While it is SO difficult to find a new Church home, you've done plenty of hard things. Have you ever thought that there is a reason it feels like this? God is giving you a nudge and telling you it's time to take it up a notch. It's time to mature in your faith just a little more. So, for the girl going into 2023... Be the familiar face on Sundays. No one ever grew by sitting on the back row and leaving before the last hymn was over.

4. It's okay for home to just be your "hometown" now.
I can't even begin to tell you the amount of times I have grieved a place that still exists. After one and a half years, Tuscaloosa has started to feel a lot more familiar than Daphne. It's crazy how a place I grew up in can become just a small part of my life. I also think it is wonderful that I am in a place that has allowed me to experience so many things and mature into an adult that I don't feel a longing to be back home. Sure, I miss my mom, sister, and dog but I don't miss traffic on 98. I used to love driving down 181 but now I'd rather be taking a drive down University right as the sun is setting. I used to feel so bad about the fact that Tuscaloosa felt a lot more like my home than my actual "home". I constantly remind myself that I was placed at UA for a reason and it is a good thing I have adapted to a place so well. Daphne will always be where I'm from but there is so much out there to experience. I am forever thankful for the memories and the community I have grown up in and know I wouldn’t be here without my village. I think that is part of the reason it was so hard to come to terms with how I felt. I can confidently say I cannot wait to see how many more cities or states I will have an address in, even if its just for a little bit.

5. Keep items in your online cart for AT LEAST a day before clicking purchase.
Now that you are working a real job and get paychecks it’s so nice to see money in your account. But Anna Claire... you are so impulsive. When you're shopping late at night you tend to let the tired thoughts win and fill your cart up. Please let it sit there for like a day. I promise if you come back to it tomorrow you won't like that dress as much as you thought you did.

6. You can absolutely miss an opportunity that is meant for you if you're holding onto habits or memories from the past.
Whether it was missing the body I had in 10th grade, wishing I still could run as fast as I did in 8th, still thinking what-if about the same boy, missing the dance days (especially when competition season is going on), or wishing I still had the drive I did in 11th grade. I have spent a LOT of time fixated on my past. They tell you not to compare your life to others but I’d argue to also not compare your life to what it was 3, 4, or even 7 years ago. You are meant to grow and change and learn new things. Do you know how boring life would be if it was always the same? Sure, there were good moments that I miss a lot... but the memories I'm making now will one day hold the same nostalgia the other ones do. I spent a lot of this past year wishing I could have certain things from my past or make things work. Guess what? Every time I tried to replicate something from the past or make something workout I have ended up disappointed. There is a life I am living right now and things happening in front of my face and I will miss it if I don't start living for the now. I know there is a saying that "what's meant to be will find you" but I don't fully believe that. I truly believe if we spend too much time looking backwards or replicating a part of our life from the past then we will miss opportunities that are flying past us right now. You don't have to look in your past for something good... I promise you there is good in the now.